Another Year, Gone.

I wonder what 2011 has in store for me. Stupid question really. It has the same things. Some more pain, some more suffering, some more dying. On the inside, at least.

And what have I done this year? Well, me family are gone. They don't know me, don't want to. The only one I have left is my Dad. No grandparents, no mother, no brothers or sisters. I have Francis and his parents, but no family.

If you'd told me this last year, well, I probably would have believed you. On the 3rd of December last year, I was living with Carla. I was back with Darren.

This year? Let's not even go there. It's not worth going into.

Is this what every year is destined to be like? Last year, I went back to my mother. This year, I can't. I can't ever go back.

Life goes on I suppose. Mine's is beyond the mundane, beyond all the fantastical notions of a close knit family, of love and happiness.

But would I rather it was someone else? No. I can struggle through it. I have struggled through it. I am who I was meant to be, and nothing is going to change that. And for better, or for worse, I'll continue to struggle through, and maybe, just maybe, I can make a difference to this cold, dark, bleak world.