(8)Dead(8)

From my other blog, yesterday...
Skylines and Turnstiles… I need to stop getting stuck in those things…

I think today has probably been one of the worst days of my life…

Until tomorrow at least…

Let’s think…

* My brother was involved in a car crash. His fiancee was in resusc. Thankfully it was just severe whiplash. The car was totalled, and Danielle had to be cut out of the car. Thank God my baby nephew wasn’t in the car, he would have been killed.
* I got served my eviction notice. I got kicked out today. Now I’m living with my dad, sleeping on the sofa while my eighty year old gran, who has dementia, is forgetting what’s been happening, and starting a million and one arguments, which I’ve been in the middle of. On Monday I’m going to speak to my teacher, and see if I can get hold of Social Services. It’ll take one thing off my dad’s mind.
* My Preliminary examinations start on Monday. I will fail. I have absurdly high stress levels, with no sleep and a severe mental imbalance.

This whole thing may trigger off my eating problems.





Today, well, I discovered something about myself that I never knew, or rather, didn't remember, because a child's brain is sort of programmed as it were, to push traumatic experiences to the back of their mind. It only took three weeks of nightmares and a mention from my dad to remember. Oh God.
I think I may have a complex about the word "Uncle" for the rest of my life. Oh shit. I can't close my eyes without seeing a scared little girl, not able to tell anyone, dreading to go to that place. I can't believe it. Abused physically and mentally by one guy, abused another way by another. Oh God. I can't deal with this.

Francis got really upset over it. His exact reaction, after I hinted at it, was to text, saying, "Aww no!!! Baby, my poor Fiona. The fucking arsehole, what happened baby? x x x x x"

I've been like a little kid all week, crying myself to sleep every night.
You know, after the past few months, sleeping in a bed would be heaven...

I can't stop crying, and I just want one thing, one thing that will make it all better...

I don't care anymore.